1). You will encounter slow walkers.
So, you are in a bit of a rush and want to get your shopping done as quickly as possible. In your head you are able to make a quick dash into a store, make a beeline straight for the items you need and pay for them at ninja speed. Straight in and straight back out again. Should be simple, right? Wrong. Unfortunately, people with more time on their hands than you have also decided to pay a visit to that particular shop, meaning that your shopping trip starts with a game of dodgems as you weave in and out of everyone milling around outside the store. You are already a few minutes behind schedule by the time you have made it through the entrance and you are then met with further delays as you find yourself stuck behind a couple taking a romantic stroll and stopping every minute or so to admire how well stocked the shelves are.
2). Queuing behind someone who is buying the entire contents of the shop.
Eventually, you manage to tick everything off your shopping list and make your way over to the check out. However, you then realise that, judging by the queues at the tills, every single person who lives within a two mile radius is also in that shop and trying to pay for their stuff. You find yourself under pressure with only a few seconds to decide which queue to join. You quickly weigh them up and join the shortest as rational thought tells you that this is the faster option. A few minutes tick by and you note with satisfaction that there is now only one person in front of you. A few more minutes roll by and you begin to wonder why you aren’t moving. You glance up and realise with horror that the person in front of you is still unloading their items as they are buying one of everything in the entire shop. Exasperated, you look around only to discover that someone who joined another queue after you is already paying for their things.
3). People will be unorganised.
Okay so you are getting closer, the cashier is scanning the last few items from the customer in front’s game of supermarket sweep and you are eagerly waiting, cash in hand, to pay for your stuff and get out of there. The items have all been bagged and the cashier is telling the person in front how much it has amounted to. You are feeling giddy with joy. However, it seems that rather than getting their money out in advance like any self respecting shopper would do, the person in front has been stood twiddling their thumbs for the last ten minutes and must now spend another five digging around in their huge oversized handbag looking for their money. Of course, when they do manage to find it they will start slowly counting out the exact amount in copper. Clearly they have all the time in the world and are completely oblivious to the steam that it probably coming out of your ears right now.
4). You will be asked if you need a bag.
Finally, you have made it to the front of the queue. You have had a quick run through of the usual niceties and the cashier is scanning your items. Then comes the inevitable question of, ‘do you need a bag?’ I realise that not wasting bags is hugely important to the environment and asking this question is most likely a requirement of their job. I also realise that if I have only bought a bottle of water and a lipstick then I could just chuck them in my handbag and be done with it. However, when someone has scanned 14 of my items and can blatantly see that I have nothing to put them in then it just becomes a stupid question. No bag for me thanks, I can just juggle everything out of the shop.
5). You will need more hands.
By this point, your spirit has been crushed and your feet probably hurt, however, you still have one last hurdle before your shopping experience is over. Some cashiers will kindly pop the receipt in one of your bags for you; however, other, more sadistic, cashiers will lay it out flat on their hand and pile your notes and coins on top of it in size order. They will then present this to you and watch as you try to quickly separate the coins from the notes and the notes from the receipts whilst simultaneously juggling all of your bags. As you don’t want to inconvenience anyone behind you, you will probably do this whilst shuffling away from the tills and will most likely end up dropping a few unruly coins as they make a bid for freedom and roll underneath something big and heavy.
This was recently published on http://www.laffalot.co.uk.