Stupid Things People Say When They Find Out I Have a Girlfriend

Here is a list of stupid things that people have actually said to me when they’ve found out that I’m in a relationship with another woman:
1) “So are you, like, a lesbian?” This is regularly asked with both confusion and suspicion on their faces. They also tend to whisper the word ‘lesbian.’

2) “Are you sure?” Yeah I’m pretty certain; it was good of you to check though.

3) “When did you decide to be gay?” Well, when I was 18 I sneezed and nobody was around to say “bless you” so the devil seized his opportunity to climb up my nose and turn me into a lesbian. That’s the main reason that people turn gay, you know. Although, if you spend too much time with a gay person as a child or have gay parents then that usually makes you grow up gay as well.

4) “…but you could have so many boyfriends.” …or girlfriends? Get off your homophobic horse.

5) “Is it a phase?” Do they normally last 5 years?

6) “How do you know if a man is good looking, you’re a lesbian!” This is the response I typically get if I agree a man is good looking. I would just like to point out that I’m gay, not blind.

7) “I couldn’t do it.” Probably means you’re heterosexual then, doesn’t it? This is usually said with a wrinkled up face that hints my ‘lifestyle’ disgusts them. Excellent.

8) “How do you have sex?” This is the question that everyone seems to wants to know and tends to be swiftly followed up with another question about scissoring. Fml.

9) “Do you fancy me?” Um, no. You’re safe.

10) “What a waste.” This is offensive as it implies I am simply here for male pleasure.

11) “But you’re pretty” This is also offensive as it implies that women only enter relationships with other women because they are unattractive and no man will have them.

12) “That’s because you haven’t been with me.” Lol okay stud I’m sure it is.

13) “I could turn you.” What, my stomach? Done.

14) “You don’t look like a lesbian.” And you don’t look like an idiot.


11 thoughts on “Stupid Things People Say When They Find Out I Have a Girlfriend

  1. Perfect. And perfect responses. My favourite one, as a bisexual is “oh, so you’re a lesbian,” “No bisexual” “But you’re married to a woman.”

    Oh and which do you prefer. That’s a good one.

    I know a few friends who get asked of they’ve ever been with a man/woman.


    • When I was struggled with my sexual orientation I was genuinely asked ‘If there was a penis in front of you and a vagina in front of you, which would you choose?’

      I’m just going to leave that with you…


  2. Loved it, so true…! When people ask me about my ‘husband,’ I tell them that “She’s a Deputy Sheriff with so & so County. It takes a second or two because they usually hear the ‘Deputy Sheriff’ part first. I just wait for it…wait for it…there it is!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahaha that’s great you actually get to see the penny drop! I usually get asked if I have a boyfriend and once I say no they always ask why. ‘I don’t think my girlfriend would like it’ is never the response they expect!

      Liked by 1 person

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