Sorry, I Have a Girlfriend…

Like many women, I sometimes lie when approached by men who are interested in me.

I often tell them about an imaginary boyfriend of mine in order to soften the blow of rejection. That’s not unusual, right? Every single unattached woman that I know has done it at one point or another.

Except I’m not unattached. I invent a fictional male love interest in my life so that I do not have to explain to these men that I have a girlfriend.

You may be wondering why I do this. You may assume that I dislike “outing” myself to strangers or even that I’m ashamed of being gay but neither are true. Let me explain.

Over the years the whole “I’m a lesbian” response has gained quite a lot of popularity with women who are attempting to turn men down. Men have started to wise up to this little lie and now will rarely believe it when women tell them that they’re not interested because they’re gay.

Unfortunately, that means that unless you fit the lesbian stereotype this pestering will continue and you will generally end up having to show pictures of your other half and answer obscure questions about her in order to prove that she exists.

So after half an hour or so of describing your girlfriend’s favourite colour, you have managed to just about convince the guy that she is real.

Great news, right? You can now be left in peace and continue with what you were doing. Wrong.

The tiny little cogs begin turning in their brain. Suddenly, “lesbian” simply becomes code for “fair game” and they begin imagining all kinds of possibilities for threesomes.

A lesbian, in their eyes, is this hot hypersexual porn star willing to have sex with everybody and not simply a woman who is attracted to and falls in love with other women.

Clearly, being a lesbian and all, I’m so up for a threesome. Sure, please come and join myself and my girlfriend of almost four years for some sex, why didn’t you ask sooner? All this time we’ve been hoping for a man to come and fulfil our sexual needs and validate us as women.

I highly doubt that men ask women with boyfriends for threesomes, so why women with girlfriends? I am in a long term, committed relationship and when men assume there is room for them in our bed it just shows their blatant inability to understand that two women can form a relationship that is fulfilling on all levels.

When approached by men, I will generally try to skim over details and just say “I’m in a relationship” however, when pushed, I do use the term “boyfriend.” Not because I don’t want to “out” myself but because I’m sick of having the same disturbing conversation with a stranger over and over again.

I don’t lie because I’m ashamed of being a lesbian. I lie because I like to skip straight over the seedy propositions and attempts to belittle my relationship to the part where they walk away and hit on someone else.

Image by Jonathon McPherskesen via Flickr under this Creative Commons License.


5 thoughts on “Sorry, I Have a Girlfriend…

  1. I think “maybe I could join you two sometime” is #5 on my list of 10 stupid things straight men say when I tell them I’m a lesbian. The worse thing is that it doesn’t seem to get better with age. In my teens and twenties I could chalk some of it up to young guys being so testosterone fueled they couldn’t stop themselves from being obnoxious. But middle age guys and old men?? It’s just so much grosser now …

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Why do you need a reason not to talk to someone? Just ask him to please leave you alone. If that doesn’t work, ask the bartender to throw the guy out.

    It’s not an admission that you are the weaker sex. It’s the barkeep’s place and his right to determine his clientele. If he doesn’t throw the guy out, it means he doesn’t want or deserve your custom. Leave without tipping. If you haven’t finished your drink, don’t pay for it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I find a lot of people need a reason and won’t just take a simple “no” for an answer! Or sometimes men will say “why? are you a lesbian?” and when I say yes the cycle starts anyway. Interesting point about the bartender though, I will keep that in mind! Thanks 🙂


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