A Message To Men With Gay Ex Girlfriends

Many women in same sex relationships have been in heterosexual relationships in the past. That’s a fact.

What drives these women to suddenly decide that they want to be in relationships with other women? Did the men they’ve been with in the past treat them poorly so they decided to try their luck with a woman? Were their exes all so terrible in bed that these women were “turned” gay?

Nope.

These questions seem absolutely ridiculous to me yet they are the type of things that are thought by some men whose ex girlfriends have started seeing women since they have split up.

I don’t want to generalise and I obviously cannot speak for all men, however, an ex of mine has asked me in the past if it is his fault that I’m with a woman now. I know of other women in similar situations to me who have been asked the same kind of questions by their ex boyfriends who have got it into their heads that they’re the reason these woman are now in lesbian relationships.

If, as a heterosexual male, you broke up with a woman and she started seeing another man a few months, or even years, down the line  you wouldn’t even think twice about it. You would know that she had moved on and was seeing a person that she liked or had developed feelings for. You wouldn’t question the purpose of your entire existence.

So why does it have such an impact if said woman starts seeing another woman?

I’ll say this once. The fact that she is seeing a woman has nothing at all to do with you and absolutely everything to do with the woman she has met. You sound absurd. Do some bloody self esteem building exercises or something and stop making everything about you.

Advertisements

Muscle is Masculine & Wonder Woman isn’t Wonderful.

Firstly let me just say that this post is in no way meant to shame anyone for their body. It is more of a collection of thoughts than a rant and I just want to take a moment to note that men and women of all shapes and sizes are beautiful and that I do not personally believe there is a set ideal physique for either biological sex.

Last week I went to see the new Batman film at the cinema. Now, the release of the film has brought with it a revamp of the debate of the outfits that get assigned to men and women. I won’t get into it as it isn’t what I want to discuss, (I know, shock horror right?) but the basic gist is that many are outraged because the male superheroes are fully clothed whereas the female character is scantily clad. This same debate can be seen pretty much anywhere and, unfortunately for us women, is applicable to pretty much all aspects of life.

I also want to forget about the actors that were cast in this particular film and I want to think about the image of the superheroes themselves. Throw Ben Affleck and Gal Gadot out of your minds as this is not a comment on either of their physical appearances and nor will I have this post misconstrued as such.

What I want to think about is the physical appearances of the original male and female superheroes who feature in the film and by that, you guessed it, I mean mainly the female superhero. As is always the case, my focus here is on the female body. My issue is this, both Batman and Superman have large biceps, excellent pectorals and rippling abs. Wonder Woman does not.

I’m not going to pretend I have a lot of knowledge on comic book characters but, correct me if I’m wrong, the original Wonder Woman has an absolutely amazing muscular physique, does she not? WHERE IS IT?!

Being an amateur bodybuilder myself, I’m probably quite biased when it comes to this subject but I really cannot help but feel that, rather than adhering to the idealised stereotypes of what society considers to be “attractive” for men and women, the casting department or whoever was in charge should have considered a more, I’m going with the term “believable,” Wonder Woman.

The male superheroes are tall, broad and incredibly muscular; the female superhero is delicate and slim. There is nothing wrong with being delicate and slim, the actress who played the role did a great job and had a lovely figure HOWEVER the power and strength that make the male superheroes so super was reflected in their physical appearance. This was not the case for the female superhero.

Let’s be realistic, if a woman was to charge around at the speed of light wielding a huge shield and a sword that weighs more than she does then she is going to have some muscle. This was the opportunity to finally show that strong, muscular women are badass and beautiful but, unfortunately, it was missed. They simply sent out the message, once again, that muscle is masculine and women should not have it. Balls to that.

Image via Instagram.

Bad Feminist: Take Two

“At some point, I got it into my head that a feminist was a certain kind of woman. I bought into grossly inaccurate myths about who feminists are – militant, perfect in their politics and person, man-hating, humorless.

I bought into these myths even though, intellectually, I know better. I’m not proud of this. I don’t want to buy into these myths anymore. I don’t want to cavalierly disavow feminism like far too many other women have done.

Bad feminism seems like the only way I can both embrace myself as a feminist and be myself, and so I write. I chatter away on Twitter about the small things that make me angry and all the small things that bring me joy. I write blog posts about the meals I cook as I try to take better care of myself, and with each new entry, I realize that I’m undestroying myself after years of allowing myself to stay damaged.

The more I write, the more I put myself out into the world as a bad feminist but, I hope, a good woman – I am being open about who I am and who I was and where I have faltered and who I would like to become.

No matter what issues I have with feminism, I am a feminist. I cannot and will not deny the importance and absolute necessity of feminism. Like most people, I’m full of contradictions, but I also don’t want to be treated like shit for being a woman.

I am a bad feminist. I would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all.”

 

 

 

 

Dress Codes, Responsibility and Rape.

I’ve been thinking recently about the way that society regulates the female body by dictating what is considered to be appropriate clothing and what isn’t.

More specifically, I’ve been thinking about the way in which young females are policed at school through the use of a dress code that only seems to apply to one sex.

I understand that uniforms serve many purposes and that it is beneficial for students at a school to wear the same thing for various reasons. I also understand that schools want all of their students to dress “appropriately” for their age and that they do not want to contribute to the growing sexualisation of teenage girls.

What I don’t understand, however, is the long list of rules that dictate the appropriate dress for female students. I don’t understand the downright ridiculous uniform policies and I certainly don’t understand the reasoning behind them.

In many schools, fitted trousers are not considered to be appropriate because they show the female’s shape. In other schools showing your collarbones is not allowed. In most schools girls are not allowed to have their bra straps or bare shoulders visible, meaning that a basic vest top is considered to be inappropriate and too revealing for female students to wear.

Why aren’t girls allowed to show their shoulders, might you ask? Well, it’s because they will apparently be a distraction to male students.

Instead of teaching women from an early age that they must keep their body covered so that they do not distract boys, how about we start teaching boys to simply not sexualise every single inch of female flesh?

By imposing strict dress codes such as these, women are taught that keeping themselves covered so as not to tempt boys is the norm and that, essentially, the way that they dress is directly responsible for boys’ behaviour.

More worryingly about these dress codes is the fact that, in addition to leading women to believing they are responsible for the behaviour of men, they let young boys believe that they are not responsible for their own actions.

The behaviour of boys who objectify young girls based on what they’re wearing is commonly justified with phrases such as “boys will be boys” or “you know what boys are like.” This implies that boys have no self control and that it isn’t their fault if they falsely interpret a woman’s clothing as an invitation for sexual activity.

This message sticks with women into adulthood and feeds directly into rape culture. It is the woman’s job to ensure she does nothing to provoke sexual harassment or assault from a man. She should not go out late at night. She should not walk the streets alone. She should not wear revealing clothing. If she does, isn’t she kind of asking for it?

Instead of regulating women’s behaviour and clothing and holding them responsible for the behaviour of men, how about we start holding the men who objectify and attack women accountable for their actions?

Image via Instagram.